its been 2weeks and i still cant forget what happened. i cant moved on. i reminisce all the good memories we had for the past 13months.

i could still remember the days when he tried his best to make me happy after my long day at work. he sat with me and make his cute yet irritating faces. haha! he cheered me up when i get scolded by my boss at work. he really made my day, he turned my frown into a smile. i really love him for that. he supports me in everything and anything. i do still love him but i guess, time will tell.
Bring me into your dreams; 3:18 PM



First of all, i would like to thank all my friends who have been supporting me throughout my time when i was in a relationship with Fathullah. For those who have been standing by me with words that motivates me. Really appreciate it so much.

I musn't said that my life has ended because it's not. Eventhough it hurts me after he left, i will never stop hoping and pray for him to come back in my life. How i wish miracle will happen one day and hopefully it happens before my birthday. Then, i will be the most happiest girl in the world. Things might not turned out the way that we want but i believe time will mend back everything. Insya'Allah. But what i know is, i will never move on or flirts around. People might think that im joking about it but im not. Yes, i am but that was the past. Been wondering why? Because he's the first guy in my entire life that i love this much. he's the first guy that i trust and put hope on. I love him so much and only God knows abt it.

Baby, you know i never regret loving you. Please know that you're the only one for me. I will do anything for you. Iloveyousomuch, Fathullah!
Bring me into your dreams; 3:38 PM



My life has ended and i don't know what to do. I kept thinking of you, hoping for you to come back, waiting for your messages and calls and i can't stop praying. Do you even know that it's hard for me to go on everyday without you by my side? Do you even know that i have to deal with the pain everyday? Do you even know that i was crying, hoping for you to come back? Do you even know that it's hurts me more after you left me? Do you ever wonder why i kept texting you every now and then? I did all that just so you know that I'm still loving you and i need you by my side. i can't stop doing that. My heart still yearning for your love and affection.

Fathullah,
I've done everything for you. I've changed for you and I do all that because i want you to be happy and it's because i love you. please please understand that? i cant bear to lose you! it's killing me softly inside. i cant go on like this, i really cant. i do still love you!
Bring me into your dreams; 12:35 PM



Stepping into another stage of your life is kinda tough especially when you're stepping into a world full of love. I've stepped into it and unfortunately, i fall so many times. Fall till i can't get up on my feet and I dont even see myself. Eventually, i gave up and asked myself, why am i still here fixing the broken heart alone? Each time when someone reached out their hands to me, i kept thinking twice. Am i going to fall into another trap or are they the ones for me? For the past few relationship i had, i fall for their traps. I tripped and fall, it almost killed me inside. I tried moving on and i learnt not to dwell about the past. Yes, i moved on. My past was scandalous. Its the worst nightmare ever.

Now, i fall into another trap and im glad that i fall into this trap because he's always there for me. I love him not because he's matured, goodlooking or whatever you can find in a guy. I love him because of his sincerity. His sincerity and honesty trying to know me is pure. But sometimes, it really breaks my wall when someone's trying to break us apart. We drifted, we argued, we cried and we dont even talked to each other couple of times. I never give up, i told myself to stay strong throughout this relationship. I failed. I broke down most of the time. I broke down not because i was weak, its because i love him too much that even small things can break my heart. I've never cried for someone so much or care about someone like how i cared abt him. I just want him to know that Im just too afraid to lose him to someone else.

If you happen to read this, im sorry dear. im just too insecure and im scared of losing u. whats more, being apart or drifted away. i love you too much, thats why im like this. im not being paranoid, im just stating the fact and let my feelings out here. A day without hearing from you feels like a month. From the bottom of my heart, there's no one like you. I can never love someone else like how i love you.

:(
Bring me into your dreams; 10:15 PM



Dear Fathullah,

I didnt get the chance to write a letter to you or whisper to your ear on our monthsary Or even post on your fb wall because I know you wont read this. So, im putting it up here. Read it if you want to. alrite?

Things could not be any better than having you in my life. You are my inspiration and my shoulder to cry on, you're the one who stands by me through everything and most of all. You make me know that I am loved. There is no one that completes me the way that you do. You mean everything to me.

There is nothing that I would not do for you and there is no one else I would want to share my life with. You are the reason I get up each morning and you make me look at life with a new perspective. I have never met anyone as wonderful as you.

There are so many things that I am grateful for which me myself can't even count. You have been there for me through thick and thin and I thank you for giving me that opportunity to get to know you and for always being there for me. You mean so much to me, it's so unbelievable that I have someone such as you. Even when I am down you are there for me.

Baby, you are my sun, my moon, my whole universe. I love you for who you are and what you make of me when I am with you. There has never been anyone in my life whom I could have depended on through the tough times in my life. There are many times when you've taken what I was feeling upon yourself and I feel that it is not necessary.

Baby, I really think that this time it is for real. No one can replace you and if anything happens to you, I don't know what I'd do without you. You are the one person that I love dearly. You are my life and everything revolves around you. You seem to hold my whole life in your hands. You always make the whole room light up when you enter it, and you just know how to be my star, but you're not my star ... you are my angel. Dear, there's nothing can change my love for you.




With lots of Love,
Syuhaidah
Bring me into your dreams; 10:13 AM



wah, it's been a very long time since i last updated this blog eh? hahahaha!

anyway, im on vacation now. i have to put all my rants here. im not asking for sympathy or comments but i need to spill everything out. its been 2 days that im away from my loved ones and its sucks! really sucks. because no one is there for me to spill everything or open up my feelings except for my aunt. i guess she's tired of hearing all my rants and complains. heeh!

being apart from your loved ones is a very bad idea, seriously. all the negatives thoughts kept playing in your mind even when they've already convinced you and told you not to worry. they can convinced me by that but they aren't sure about themselves too. for me, im sorry. i cant stop thinking and wondering everyday. mixed feelings, uncertainty? im not too sure.

feels like crying, feels like going home at any moment :'( what i can do now is giving out a big SIGH!
Bring me into your dreams; 11:14 AM



i'm not happy, really. not to sound depressed, but im just not happy.
something's missing, please God find the missing piece. because it hurts.
i dont see myself here anymore. i dont see myself at all. am i just invisible here?
im losing myself already . im sorry
Bring me into your dreams; 11:43 AM



sometimes i feel so lonely.
sometimes i feel so leftout.
sometimes i cried to myself.
i have no one to turn to right now.
nobody is listening. nobody heard that my heart is shouting.
everybody seems to do their own things in their own world.

where's my boyfriend?
i dont know where boyfriend is now, i dont know what boyfriend is doing.
i heard nothing from him. and you know, i miss you so much!

where's my friend?
they asked me to entertain them, talk to them, call them because they're bored. why, when im in this state, no one even give me a call or entertain me or even talk to me??

most importantly,
where's my family?
staying under one roof but looks like im staying in a jungle. parents are fighting, brother is busy with work and sister is working. why am i here?

where are they when i need them the most?
where? where? where?
i feel so invisible, i feel like im a stranger.
:'(
Bring me into your dreams; 2:28 PM



if i die tonight, i'd go with no regrets. if it's in your arms i know that i was blessed.
and if your eyes are the last that i see, then i know the beauty of heaven holds for me.

but if i make it through, if i live to see the day. if i'm with you, i'll know just what to say.
the truth be told, you take my breath away.
every minute, every hour and everyday.







yours truly,
syuhaidah
26may11
Bring me into your dreams; 12:05 PM



People come and people go. I have to accept the fact that I've lost 3 important people in my life in a week. Like what my prettyboy told me, "it's time for them to go." I'm trying to stay strong and faced this. And I'm glad to have YOU in my life, prettyboy! <3 ILOVEYOU!! hehe


Okay, that's my bestfriend ; Salimin. I swear i just get to know that you're admitted to the hospital yesterday. And i swear that i just get to know that you'll be undergo a minor surgery today. What happened? :( get well soon kayy, Min! Will visit you soon :)
Bring me into your dreams; 12:21 PM



the moment that i start to ignore you is the moment that i stop to care about you.
i don't know what wrong with me lately. i don't see myself and i don't know am i now.
i'm not like what i used to be. i've been losing my temper and i get pissed off easily.
i just don't know what went through my mind now. i'm sorry but i just need more time to regain my mood. i need to bring myself together again. okay, this is sucks! really.
Bring me into your dreams; 12:02 PM




Bring me into your dreams; 11:54 AM



Once again, i'm losing my Fucking mind today! I just don't understand with guys nowadays.
First of all, you don't have to tell your fucking friends about me because they fucking don't know me. And you don't have to tell others about me in Facebook, which actually dropped my reputation. What do you get by doing that, Mister?

Secondly, Read your wallpost in FB ,

"Too much for being a nice guy.. but thanks to a person, im sorie, my bad attitude will come, and my craziness will soon unexpectedly return.."

So, you're blaming me for this? Eh, you're old enough to think! Sorry to say this, YOU'RE JUST PUTTING HIGH HOPES ON ME AND YOU'RE GIVING ME PRESSURE! I'VE NEVER TREATED YOU MORE THAN A FRIEND. GROW UP LA WEI! I CAN NEVER BE WITH YOU. PLEASE, STOP HARASSING ME AND BUGGING ME. YOU'RE JUST A PAIN IN MY ASS!
Bring me into your dreams; 1:12 PM



kay, gambar sungguh tk perlu seh =.=!


i want to go to schoooooooooooool! grr.
everybody's going to school and it really makes me jealous. :(

anyway..
went out with mummy, brother and itzel to buy some stuffs yesterday.
while waiting for mummy, a man came up to me and asked...

man: hello miss, have you plan any future for your daughter? *smiles at me and looked at Itzel*
me: *look at him with a fake smile* err, she's not my daughter.
man: oh, okay. *walks away*

LMAO!
Bring me into your dreams; 11:33 AM










fuck! i miss school so much.
the good and bad times together :(
Bring me into your dreams; 1:09 PM



sorry bby, i steal this picture while i was privating your profile that day. heeh! hope you dont mind :D

i've been waking up from sleep with a wide smile everyday. the reason why is that whenever im up, the first person i see is you. im somehow addicted to you la bby! hahaha. okay byeeeeeeeeeee! iloveyou pantat
Bring me into your dreams; 9:56 AM



this is for you, my "cute sotongboy who looks like matrep yet he deny that he's one of them."

have you ever loved somebody so much, it makes you cry?
have you ever needed something so bad until you can't sleep at night?
have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?

have you even been in love so bad?
you'd do anything to make them understand.
have you ever had someone steal your heart away?
have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart?
but you don't know what to say, and you don't know where to start,

have you ever found the one you've dreamt of all your life?
you'd do just anything to look into their eyes.
have you finally found the one you've given your heart to?
have you ever closed your eyes and dreamed that they were there?
and all you can do is wait for that day when they will care.


i would give up everything before i'd separate myself with him.
after so much suffering, i've finally found a man. i was all by myself for the longest time and the hurt from the heart, it would not subside. i felt like dying until you saved my life.
thank god i found you, i was lost without you. my every wish and every dream somehow became reality. when you brought the sunlight, you completed my whole life. i would give you anything, there's nothing in this world i wouldn't do. to ensure your happiness, i'll cherish every part of you.
without you, i cant survive because i need you in my life.



i'm overwhelmed with gratitute cause baby i'm thankful i found you.
:D
Bring me into your dreams; 11:02 AM




Bring me into your dreams; 9:54 AM



i'm feeling like shit, seriously! not about yesterday, it's about today.
the day when i started to ignore you, your messages, your calls or your wall post is the day when i don't feel the love in you already. i'm sorry but im stating the fact. why must you be fucking jealous when im just too friendly towards others? and i know, mostly guys who commented on my wallpost. that goes same to you, layan pompan jugak pe! and i don't feel jealous at all. why have that feelings now? haiz! i've got nothing to say to you anymore. whatever between us is OVER! get it?

and pls, you dont have to tell others what happened between us in FB. for God's sake la, aku pon ade maruah! tkya malu kan aku pe boy! asl tknk satu dunia psl aku? bodo punye jantan. semue kawan kau tau psl aku. thanks eh, you spoilt my fucking mood. thanks eh thanks, Mr. F!

sorry my baby sotongboy, im supposed to update this blog about you. but looks like someone just spoilt my mood. okay bye, iloveyou!
Bring me into your dreams; 12:30 PM




Bring me into your dreams; 12:43 PM




Bring me into your dreams; 10:56 AM




Bring me into your dreams; 10:28 AM




Bring me into your dreams; 12:22 PM

baby , listen to what my heart wants to tell me .

my heart told me that she's hurt and could break any time .
my heart told me that she couldn't endure with the pain anymore
which makes her weak.
my heart told me that she wants to give up in everything
because she knows she couldn't handle it .
my heart told me to break down and cry
because no one knows her feelings .

but i told my heart ,
i'm not going to give up easily .
i told my heart , somehow and someday,
i'll mend her .
i told my heart to endure with the pain .



my heart was in silence and i know she's crying .
i'm sorry my heart .

Bring me into your dreams; 11:45 AM

everyone needs to make her own decision. i am a strong girl who will let go of the past and just jump to the next opportunity life has in store for me. this time, im stuck like a sandwich. a ham between two crusty breads.

how can i not put hope on somebody i was with for months perhaps years? how can i stay friends with someone who promised? the one who had said that he has feelings for me and that i am special to him. how can i let it go when i don't have the answers from him himself? where is he? he is out there smiling while, i am here doing lots of thinking.

thats the reason i hated the word 'commitment'. in my case, i fall for him and was all ready to commit. that was before he even said goodbye. wait, there was no goodbye. so what are we now? still the one for each other or am i allowed to forget him now?

the truth is, i can't forgive myself for creating a big mess. here i am thinking of him and at the same time being with someone else. so who am i cheating? the one who left me with no answers or the one i am with now? im hurting both. but im hurting myself more.

what if he never comes back when i am here clinging on to the memories and him? i'll still keep waiting for an answer. then, i will hurt the other.

what if he comes back when he is already out of my mind? then the other will get hurt. not only that, mr missing comes back only to find out that im with another.

the one who loves me dearly and promises me everything? or the one whom i am still waiting for an answer?

i am all messed up!

Bring me into your dreams; 11:29 AM