everyone needs to make her own decision. i am a strong girl who will let go of the past and just jump to the next opportunity life has in store for me. this time, im stuck like a sandwich. a ham between two crusty breads.

how can i not put hope on somebody i was with for months perhaps years? how can i stay friends with someone who promised? the one who had said that he has feelings for me and that i am special to him. how can i let it go when i don't have the answers from him himself? where is he? he is out there smiling while, i am here doing lots of thinking.

thats the reason i hated the word 'commitment'. in my case, i fall for him and was all ready to commit. that was before he even said goodbye. wait, there was no goodbye. so what are we now? still the one for each other or am i allowed to forget him now?

the truth is, i can't forgive myself for creating a big mess. here i am thinking of him and at the same time being with someone else. so who am i cheating? the one who left me with no answers or the one i am with now? im hurting both. but im hurting myself more.

what if he never comes back when i am here clinging on to the memories and him? i'll still keep waiting for an answer. then, i will hurt the other.

what if he comes back when he is already out of my mind? then the other will get hurt. not only that, mr missing comes back only to find out that im with another.

the one who loves me dearly and promises me everything? or the one whom i am still waiting for an answer?

i am all messed up!